iwantyoutoeat.me

So when  I first heard I had food allergies, this was what I pictured myself eating. Just plain old boring lettuce for the rest of my life. Kind of the missionary position of food… this food one just lays on its back and hopes it’s over soon. Ugh.But then I was introduced to something that made lettuce significantly more interesting. What if you took those crunchy, moist leaves and used them as a boat for tastebud tantalization?

A whole new world of wraps opened up to me!  A little hug of lettuce, cradling hot or cool ingredients in its crunchy embrace. Yes, PLEASE!

Now THIS is sexy food. Eat me.  Pictured in the photo is the amazingly wonderful Tamari soy sauce, which has no wheat for those of you who can’t eat wheat. Sorry, soy allergy sufferers.

I give you fragrant, sensual

Cashew Crunch Wraps.

On to business!

Foreplay:

1 cup uncooked jasmine rice blend, or your favorite rice blend of your choice.

8 celery sticks, sliced into little green rainbows about 1/4″ thick

One white or yellow onion, roughly chopped.  Oh my!

1 cup of whole fancy cashews (you can use less fancy ones if you prefer slumming it)

2 tbsp coconut oil, divided into 2 portions

One head romaine, green leaf, red leaf or butter lettuce; whichever you like best, darling!

Wheat free Tamari soy sauce, Braggs, or salt and pepper to taste.

The Act:

Start the rice cooking. Depending on what kind you choose, this will take between 25 minutes to 45 minutes. Instead of butter or margarine, use 1 tbsp of coconut oil in your rice.

In a large frying pan, heat the remaining tbsp of coconut oil over medium-high heat until melted. Add onions, and saute them until they’re slightly clear around the edges. Add celery, cook until au dente and slightly darker green then when they started. At the very last moment when everything’s almost cooked, add the cashews; stir constantly. Remove from heat so the cashews don’t burn.

Slice the bottom off the lettuce head so all of the leaves come loose. Discard any holy, limp or fragile leaves – we’re just not into those types. 😉  Make sure all the leaves are rinsed and patted dry. Arrange a few on each plate.

By this time the rice should be done, or nearly done. Fluff it up so it’s nice and plump.

Scoop a little rice and a little cashew blend lovingly into each leaf. This is getting steamy!

Go ahead and top it with your favorite sauce and/or salt and pepper. Don’t forget to blow on it… Now put the whole thing in your mouth, you naughty thing!

 

Afterglow:

Tip – serve with Sake!  Bottoms Up!

I hope you love these sweet, crunchy, filling wraps. Whether they’re an appetizer or the main course, they are truly beauties and easy to make.

Allergic to all kinds of nuts? So sorry, sweetie. Nuts are delightful, but in a pinch you can use bell peppers instead. ❤

 

Ciao darling,

-Madame Gluttonee

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Ok. I admit it, when I was first diagnosed with food allergies I thought, OK. No big deal. I can still eat a lot of things. I’ll be fine.

Boy was I wrong, because there are a few things I really missed. Beer being one… ah! beer!

But WAFFLES… I didn’t see that coming. I really missed waffles.  I found myself longing for their tough exterior and their sweet, steamy tenderness in my mouth.  Utterly forkable and never to be mine again… until last Sunday’s brunch, after a long night’s work, when waffles came around again.

The waffle pictured above is vegan, wheat, and gluten free. The bacon is another story.  I like to cook vegan pastries and baked items because I can’t have eggs -but I still love pounding the meat!

My husband was understandably jealous of my waffle longing.  After all, I never talked about him that way… but once he tried a taste of these cinnamon buckwheat waffles he couldn’t deny he had been ruined for every other waffle out there. They have a certain… something… about them that is irresistible.

Well, enough raving on. It’s time for some action!

First: The fruit compote (OOOOH there’s that French again!)

So the best thing you can do to love your body when faced with food restrictions is to buy your own ingredients and make your own foods – because that tawdry packaged stuff is full of cheap fillers that almost always have wheat, egg, soy, dairy, peanuts and all those other nasty allergens that kill our mojo. In the photo above are two of the five simple ingredients to make a delicious blueberry compote for your sexy waffle time. Molasses, which is typically a beet-based sugar; and organic flash frozen blueberries. Yum.

Blueberry fruit compote:

Foreplay:

1 cup frozen blueberries

1/2 cup molasses (your choice, make sure whichever brand you get does NOT have corn syrup or wheat. I chose Grandma’s because, well it’s GRANDMA but also there is no added crap.)

1/2 cup water

1/4 tsp ground cloves

 

The Act:

Place all ingredients into a deep skillet or shallow sauce pan.  At medium heat bring them to a slow steady simmer on the stovetop, stirring constantly. Once your simmer is rolling, tumbling and bubbling, let it do its thing for a little while. It’ll be steamy, but that just adds to the ambiance.  Stir occasionally to check the viscosity of the liquid. After about 15 minutes it should be thickened but still slick like… syrup.

Afterglow: This compote is so rich and sinful. It can really be used over and over in a lot of ways… try it with a favorite cheese or cheese substitute; drizzled over fresh pears and then fed to a lover; mixed in with strawberries and blackberries in a sensual red and violet fruit salad.

This is how drippy and syrupy it should look.  Serve it up in your prettiest gravy boat or tureen.

 

Next, the main course!  It’s waffle time… Cinnamon Buckwheat waffles that are steamy, crispy, and hot for you. Gluten free, wheat free, and vegan too… but those aren’t these waffles’ best attributes.

Buckwheat basics:

Buckwheat is not wheat. I know, right?  What’s THAT all about?  No idea, really. Buckwheat is actually a seed!  Which makes it safe for most people’s sensitive, tender bellies.  Pictured below, buckwheat seeds soaking before grinding them into a flour.

 

Cinnamon Buckwheat waffles (vegan and gluten free)

This makes about 6 waffles in a Belgium style waffle maker.  Free solicited advice: if you want to have them all week long, make a double batch and freeze the leftovers.  I had them with chicken for dinner the next day… oh… yeah!

Foreplay:

2 cups buckwheat flour

1 tbsp baking powder

3/4 teaspoon salt

1/2 teaspoon cinnamon

egg replacer equivalent to two eggs (I use ener-g egg replacer, you can get it at most major grocery stores)

2 cups coconut, rice, or almond milk (choose your fave)

1/2 cup coconut oil (If you don’t have this around, I suggest you get it. Look at how creamy and delightful it is! And if you get it on your skin, just rub it in to make yourself smooth and soft. You’ll smell amazing too.  If you’re not into coconut you can use plain ol’ canola oil or avocado oil… but I think the coconut is more exotic and gives a sweetness to these waffles.

The Act:

Plug in your waffle iron so it’s good and hot for you when you’re ready.

Now, get a large bowl and stir together all of the dry ingredients first. This gets the baking powder and spices mixed evenly throughout, which makes for a more consistent rising batter. And we love it when things rise, don’t we?

Make a little well with your fist in the middle of the dry ingredients. Pour on your liquid ingredients, getting the entire mixture wet as you go. Say something sexy to it now.

Once it’s good and wet, I want you to whisk it hard. Don’t spare any thrashes, it has to be blended really well.  It should be thick and creamy by the time you’re done.  If it’s too thick, talk naughty to it again and pour in a little more of your non-dairy milk of choice until it’s the consistency you love.

Now, make sure you’ve sprayed your waffle iron with a spray oil you like. It makes it all slippery so the waffles don’t suffer inside there.  Pour your batter onto your slippery waffle iron, and cook according to your preferences. At least five minutes though!  You don’t want mooshy waffles. I like to do mine for 10 minutes and let them get a little crisp. Experiment, it’s what makes life fun 😛

Afterglow: I want you to eat this.

Here’s the final result: virginal vegan, gluten-free waffles paired with naughty porky bacony goodness. I love the contrast. Now get in my belly!

Well, hello there, you fine, hungry human!

It was a long, hard day today and I was pretty beat when I came home… so I had sloppy seconds (also known as leftovers).  That’s my little pointer for you today, luv.  If you find something that you really like in your belly, make sure to have it again and again. Make enough every time you cook to have some more later, and you will  always have a little something waiting for you at home.

Since I don’t have a fresh cheeky recipe for you tonight, I’m going to share some of my favorite slathers with you…

First: Thai Kitchen green curry paste. This is a little spicy, but doesn’t burn too much. Feels like when you drip hot wax on me.  It’s got plenty of body and a squirt of citrus. None of the top 8 major allergens in this bad, bad boy. Mix two tablespoons of this with a cup of coconut milk and a tablespoon of your favorite sweetener to make a wonderful curry that can be poured over your quivering vegetable or meat dishes.

 

Next: Fig butter. Figs are sexy, no lie. They, not apples, caused Adam and Eve to do the naughty thing.  The symbol of my favorite Greek deity, Dionysus; figs have a long history of association with sensuality and excess. Since most of us with food allergies can’t enjoy those childish Newtons we used to eat, we have to grow up and enjoy a more adult version of this decadent fruit of the gods.  This delightfully sinful “butter” (which has no butter) is so beautiful spread across your favorite tongue.  Serve it on a soft slice of Chevre (that’s French for goat cheese), or stuff it in dates that get hugged tightly with Prosciutto wraps.

Both of these wonderful pantry staples can be found at Trader Joe’s. He’s my favorite John… er Joe.

All my love,

Madame Gluttonee

This bowl is oh, oh, so good… 

Hi, I’m a green curry bowl of deliciousness. I entice you with my glorious colors and textures. When you get that feeling,  I give you textural healing!

I may be easy, but I am uncommonly good for you.

You should really slurp me up and down at least once a week.  I make an amazing meal any time of the day.   My mistress, Gluttonee, eats me in the morning; but you really could have me anytime.

Want to know what makes me tick?

 

Foreplay:

rice noodles – 1/2 to 1 cup. Brands like Maifun can be found in the asian food section of most grocery stores

matchstick carrots – about 6 sticks. buy carrots in bulk, chop them up yourself when you get home from the store so you have some ready when it’s time to cook

matchstick cucumbers – about 6 sticks.  see carrots 😉

purple cabbage slices -2 slices. slice up about 1/4 of a cabbage into 1/4″ thick slices

butter, romaine, or leafy green lettuce leaves – 3-4 medium ones per bowl

dried coconut flakes – 1-2 tablespoons

one sliced lime

green curry paste – such as Thai House brand. Follow instructions for prepping

coconut milk – to go with the green curry paste.

brown sugar – for the green curry paste, to taste (1-2 tablespoons)

 

The Act:

Get your rice noodles unwrapped and give them a nice, warm bath in hot water for about 10 minutes. Once they’re all pliable and soft in your hands, pour the water out and give each bowl a scoop of noodles.

While the noodles are getting hot, prep the curry by warming the coconut milk, brown sugar and curry paste on the stove until they’re hot and sticky sweet.

Place your veggies in the bowl with the rice, keeping an eye on the colors and how they all work together – after all, you’re going for a really sexy look today!

Pour the warm curry over the noodles. Garnish with limes and tasty coconut flakes.

 

Afterglow:

This can actually be served warm or cold, it’s mind blowing either way.

Contains no common allergens – yes! yes! YES!

If you don’t love this particular veggie variety, try experimenting with radishes, celery, basil, or mint. The important thing is having a variety of textures and colors… this dish is one that you’ll want to eat slowly. It really keeps you satisfied.

XoXo,

Gluttonee